I’m a rubberband
feeling good to bad
from up and down
the length of you
that’s me looking back
in what I perceive
and then stretching
beyond the fretting
breathing through
the devastating
once again cruelty
came back to me
with the face of my shame
a burning seed
humiliating me

as I react to what I see
and not what is real
blinding subjectivity
and what I most hate
is the reflection
of my darkest being
unless I learn to embrace
what I let rule me

my living is getting deep
like growing rings 
in my tree
counting the years
concentrically
not by time’s defeat
streaking through the cycle
but by the love measured
in the chafing
constant aching
breaking inefficiently
alchemy dissolves
the unnecessary

the steam is the evidence
of the sense
that it’s slipping
inevitably
sooner or later
a process of elimination
perfection
produced in the changing
and how I’m shaped
is quietly
doing hard time
between the silence
and the world

and the half truths
I’m uncovering
what’s mine truly
a floating romantic
fragile and brittle
churned in wanting
but I am not
quite a butterfly
just a grub in the mud
dealing with reining in
every insecurity

they’ll hate me
if I’m me
anxiety robs clarity
of her every move
brevity is the soul
of what I lack most
if only I could queue
my fear to my fire
set my wings alight
I could soar higher
than any majestic flight
masks integrated
unveiled in my face
brilliant and seen