I’ve been meeting
the death of all my ideals
stripping meaning
with ends that always reveal
a freely speaking
bet you’d never deal
your hand holding
what let you almost conceal
a fate waiting
the deck’s cards like peels
slowly falling
off the dying tree
leaves blowing
seasons slipping into forgetting
like all the memories pulling
the pieces back to feel
lost freedom

better alone
than with crazy
you will never tell me
again who I can or cannot be
directly or indirectly
why did you ever try to start with?
with what right or credibility
could you speak for my well-being
when you’re hurting rabidly

disease and fear like pain are part of being
life’s suffering is part of breathing,
loving and giving

there it is like living
means killing and depleting
till there’s nothing left
but a compounded bleeding
hope and fear breaking
your heart into a cycle
of needing
rabidly

step out and clear
the insanity of pride
step forth and steer
away from the known
boldly
where you’ve never gone before
I know you won’t
but here I go
watch me step off the ledge without hope
with no need for control
with a smile and the peace
that comes with meaning
derived from direct knowing
that hard-earned courage
is built with falling
on the spear of all your mistakes
and rising again
to meet it all rabidly
open and stretched
to the end
on that dark lonely street