The point of no return

his smile beams across
the black glossy glint
a devilish dash dancing
I catch sparks
out of the corner
of my eye
I tuck my feelings so deep
a sleight of hand
you can’t see
to carry you
invisibly
in me
the most potent movers
rest within
somewhere in between
silence and dreams
restless with aching
pangs of hunger
pacing the cage
of my secret desires
focus in on the tiger
fluid flexibility
light up the fires
I’ll stoke the coals
and roast my heart
out and hang the price
on the door
before the next available target
hooks me to the wall
regrets and mistakes
for decisions never made

to encounter such delicacy
tantalizing the feelers
of all the jagged pieces
inside
he tastes like a drug
I know I have about 45 seconds
before it takes full effect
and intellectually knowing
what’s happening
doesn’t prevent my system
from going thru
every bit of the trip
on high alert mode
catching all the snippets
living on the fringe
of my innermost subtleties
it almost feels like a joke
a cruel taunting
exposing all my wanting
my demons rise with his face
my heart framed in thorns
it’s me I offer on a plate
to feed their every whim
suddenly its grip lets go
to the next sequence
and the shark keeps swimming
sharpening the steel
of my mettle
and impale my premeditated resentments
from their inception
as newborn expectations
conceived on swallowing illusions
shaped like my own heart
and the magnetic sparks

you make me remember
you make me dive into the abyss
I emerged from
it’s an uncomfortable space
yet seductively primal
there’s so much more of this
where it came from
that I can’t tell you of
you’ll never know how
I felt once
I’m rid of this spell
I can shake it off
I tell myself
feeling like a rag doll
in your thrall
bite me hard, lock me in
make me whimper
whatever the roughness
I’ll tap and won’t tell

It’s not your fault
I have this longing
neverending hunger
for the thrill
and even if
I had you for a while
I would still turn my head
at the sight of someone else
who has hooks shaped
to my needs
this dissatisfaction
doesn’t yield a fair return
it goes beyond
any person or thing
I cradle myself
in the longing for union
understanding
the spell has lost its magic
its well is shallow
the roots expose
there is nothing
you can do for me

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