I’ve tried to find shelter in close bonds
friends, lovers, family
only to find
there’s nothing to be found
in the ignorance
of others’ best intentions
I spent years studying
intimacy
to grasp what’s within
and what’s not

One day I woke up
things wrinkled, things shrunk
others grew and this is not
how I imagined living
alive in the grave
most of my life
has already passed me by
what I worked for
with hollow strength
is empty

A deep kind of unspoken anguish
thorns its way into your heart
it’s hard not to follow the groove
of the women who came before you
whose youth was crushed up
into a bitter pill of truth
with time ticking
my hands stretch
every resource they can
so it all fits
to make ends meet
to raise the best kids
that circumstances permit

Then there’s just the skin
that’s worn and loose
gravity comes to collect
what’s due
and you don’t even remember
having had a real chance
to have worn that beauty proud
always out of sync with the present
thinking back or ahead
the binds and the debt
karmic consequence
a web formed
by your own choices

You hadn’t realized
you tied your hands
gagged your voice
and settled to live within
reduced conditions
unprepared to be rent
apart by the years passing
nothing remains the same
hoping for a solution
that might save the day
living out an illusion
that beauty or youth could
somehow stay

or was there another way
other than the way
It went?