You smoked me to ash
sucked me to the end
and put me out
my finished self
a cigarette butt
tossed to the ground
stomped and squashed
a practice that taught me
the art of blending
with the grime that sticks
to the bottom of your feet
the stuff that reeks of rotting greed
toxic love that tars purity
a burnt out virginity

The stench of used Band-Aids
after the cries you barely survived
alone at night in your bed
no one to cradle your head
with the crooning of a mother
and you feel the sharply acidic taste
of your own brand
naming your fear of death
a thick mucous feeling
in the back of your throat
semen
the nauseating welling shame
of forced entry
filling your every pore
violated

For a moment
it’s all there is

Shocking pain
and nothing more
could ever be other
than it is right now
a horror unbearable
and it’s inevitable
and what will I do
if this never ends
these thoughts racing
with my calm losing grip
falling behind
anxiety takes hold
avoid avoid avoid
don’t think about hate scenes
stuck behind your eyes
no matter how many times
you blink you can’t un-see
the movie replays itself
inside out over and over
and over again

To reach this peak of realization
it’s just a breath
the space between life and death
this worry is ultra-light
truly nothing
I could cradle it into happiness
awaken citta
the naked raw tenderness
elicited by a
broken heart
softened by all the suffering
that broke me apart

A gap in the air
inherent space
another breath comes
just noticing what
becomes
with the silence
breathe out the foul
now made pure
give back life to
what surrounds
your part of air
is one with all

breathe on the other side
of your mouth
give back to life
what first laid you bare
at the foot of the bodhi tree
wearing me as your laurel wreath
an offering of poetry
for kings and queens
a scintillating memory
through the branches
rays filter awakened dawn