We know that we can’t be
you and me baby
we got an impossibility
because we have always been
in each other all along
I cannot ignore
the flashing neon-lit truth

I saw in a flash
everything I ever wanted
it was a short moment
and it looked so small
insignificant is this what
the whole fuss was for?
and yet it’s coarse
a thick knot
stuck in my throat
hard to swallow
that I deprived
myself the whole time
thinking I was right

The doubt breaks me in half
to see the reality
how you set a benchmark
that these men I let get close
that never deserved
the purity I’m worth
but there’s a part of me
that cannot judge
even the worst
because being alive
contains an inherent sharpness
the now to now
it never was their task
to help me cope with me

I want to let go
light the match, walk away
burn it all
but I live in the twilight grey
hours between morning and night
maybe we’re vampires
and didn’t realize it
maybe I epically screwed
something up
because I’m not able
to destabilize
everything I built

it terrifies me to lose
all I got
this body, this vessel
that lets me flow between states
is this the price of love
my greatest want digging in
calling me sweetly
with your face
I know even today
everything you felt like
the taste, the smell, the sight
of every inch of need
having and holding
even if just a while it’s still
having and holding

when we meet
it’s an honor to rest together
united in reciprocity
the zig to my zag
fire lit in my belly
your eyes are shaped
to desires unspoken, unheard
I’m wrapped up hard
you gotta unwrap me
like unfolding a pearl
from the very pain
that shaped its luster
discomfort creates movement
watch me unfurl

the constant ache of needing
something someone like
when you’re looking for the words
standing on the edge
of solitude’s ledge
you’re in my world
almost
you’re in so close
you see my inner face
even the one I don’t show

do I lean into the fear
that trickles down slick
like a promise
I long to be promised
but starting means ending
the loss that
I know also holds
more suffering
than I can bare

finding you
only to lose you again
to the death
of time’s slow passing
the unavoidable mundane
the change of age
is it worse
to never have met
than let this new
thorn of want
dressed with your tones
and
how do I tell you
I’m more poem
than woman
I’m no more
than a broken thing
that I reshaped
so my whole being
would cut like a weapon
to the heart of truth
and this love
you crave so deeply
this soft yield
with no edges
that’s safe and clear
you and me baby

we got an impossibility
on our hands
a living paradox
of incompatible conditions
not matched to the true
direction and intention
the world is cruel
and there is more punishment
than either can fight against
but still
resting in the crook of your humor
that tender acceptance
you will always be
my Achilles’ heel