I’m turning into someone 
I barely recognize 
those eyes have seen it all 
she can’t disguise 
that she doesn’t know 
it just shows 
thru the crook in her smile 
depths hinted at you can barely fathom 
but you feel the weight of her waves 
as close as a rider breathing 
with his horse carrying both 

I’m polarizing truth 
facing down the waves 
surfing her displays 
the emotional roller coaster 
this fucking woman 
is gonna make me explode 
again and again 
cause when it’s good it’s great 
and when it’s bad it’s insane 
I like to know you feel 
the full range of pleasure to pain 

I don’t know who this new me is 
I want to know who she is 
cause she is doing all these things 
unpredictably shaking me up 
how do I have so little control 
over so much power within 
is this really hard 
or do I just blow 
stone cold broke 
I glide on life’s feels 
it’s not what I hoped for 
ragged and jagged 
I’ve been tossed about 
so this new me is the terrifying 
result of all of my choices 
so who is she 
cocking that glance at me 
not quite firing 
but not backing down 
she’s on fire with the glow 
maturing her edge 
in the throw down with life 
as if telling herself 
you and me girl 
fighting the world 
together 

but it’s not her anymore 
she is a new creature 
and I don’t yet know how to be her 
or how to adjust to such intense 
profound cracks 
rendering me asunder 
the truth is a ton of bricks 
in one quick pill swallowed 
the full weight of the consequence 

just because I don’t need to break things 
apart to be right don’t expect me to sit quietly 
I know class and elegance rise 
from being able to withstand 
humiliation and despair 
not resist or avoid the incoming 
the tidal wave of self-loathing 
that judges your worth
when the water rises 
for better or for worse 
no money can buy this 
human dignity nakedly dressed 
in truth simply spoken 
no make-up no lies 
happiness is the closeness between 
authentic accomplices of discovery 
whatever shape they may take 
the intimacy you partake in 
is the satisfaction of feeling plentiful 

the trick is to not grasp 
at the straws of gratifying the senses 
it is light and frivolous 
to conduct an existence 
based on fast bent lies 
half truths weave the fabric of politic 
but when you get in on this experience 
you can’t go back and forget 
what’s done is done 
you do what you can 
to go down into the guts 
of the most intimate matters 
whatever they are they always haunt you

If you’ve loved and lost 
you know first hand 
no one is right 
but everyone feels 
and who’s pain comes first 
and who’s taking the blame 
love gets tempered 
in want and loss 
the heart sees perfectly 
the mind wants to change 
the textures it doesn’t want 
but the heart is the clear light 
the direct view lets you see through 
the heart of the deepest doubt 
from the inside out 
turn the frown upside down