Against the grain

on

you are brilliant like the moon
shining into a room
romantically bright
enveloped in warmth
coming into my arms
rushing over me with
understanding relaxing
like a breezy relief
a balm of fresh
so much in so little
I bite my lips wanting more

like laughter and lullabies
messaging the general with news
that this love made it through
the toll rings a bell calling me
beckoning in a way
I can’t say no to you
when it’s a drug waving around
a large .357 caliber of desire
your piece in my hands
naughty or nice whatever opens
find the tell that gives you
the answer you need from
your inner guide

your confidence erects me
I’ll cut you in on this
I feel like I’m coming out
of a were beast stance
the emotionally defensive
dancer spinning desert dust
a spell of blood and lust
smut in one hand
wisdom in the other
bawdy and tawdry
like a neon techno slut
of verse and rhyme
and ego’s always getting nasty
with what was said
and whodunit hooked and hung
on a long string of questions
that give no satisfaction
only more asking

just stop asking now
before you’re asleep or
driven mad with thinking the worst
overthinking is a painful excuse
to become disinterested
in the welfare of the world
I can make it all come true
with all the things I didn’t say
burning their way into embers
I wish I could integrate
this plane of existence
where suffering children
don’t grow up ever
or worse they turn
into these adults
vying for gains
of love or fame at any cost
but they don’t see
the game they play
beyond their wants

you said the words
that unlock the heart’s clock
the countdown expiring
like a timer on a bomb
ticking open inner mechanisms
a hell raiser puzzle box
I’m wanted it’s so intense
I think I’m in love
click … click … click
I tossed out my pride
and ran halfcocked
to dive off the edge
and then flew with the fall
oh, maybe this is not
what I thought
my anger blames
my rejected feelings
my “bear it and grin” motto
who made me do any of it?

the start the end
the crash the mend
the road and the bend
are not apart
where did it all begin
it started as it always did
by the skin of my teeth
chomping at the bit
up against the wall
of my mind’s
impatient eye
where you lie
across me

I can trace the lines
of your face
a haunting taste
of your elating sweetness
reverberates like music
through my every inch
it won’t go to waste
don’t spill a drop
of me off your lips
the doll I’ve made of this
this poetic me, a femininity
a profanity turned divinity
grinding hips to the beat
of an ancient primal need
squashed against this
fragrant bursting distillation
is perfection made naked in the light
simplicity’s elegance is delight

you pull out from the dark
lost urges from the dregs
of my most intimate yearnings
sanity lurks in the depths
who’s to quantify the size of impact
of a meteorite and how it’s felt
by the earth’s womb
would she feel it forcibly like
you addicted her to crack
by poisoning her atmosphere
with greed and the ozone hole
gaping a chemical stint away
from life’s extinction
and there they go
tricking all the people
to vote against their best interests
it makes her sick like
being split and imbalanced
it makes me ill, yet I fill
the heartbreak
with the joy of still
having this breath
to speak with

what is it
this heart
that they say
gets pierced and how
it isn’t even a thing
this consciousness
like your essence
unnamable like your
quietest secret being
this myth of me
this madness eternal
this programmed sequence
of my conditioning
yet I’m touched
all the same
in the deepest parts
of experience
knowing what I gained
feeling what I lost
it’s never smooth
to ride against the grain
the push and pull of telling the truth
but cut a swath you must

bending into language
take this as deep into you
as you drive it into me
a lady outside the bed
(and poetry)
I stay classy
but you can call me mami
here in your head
we make the canvas, the threads
that tie you to the bed
I thrust my most delicious
delectable nuanced hints
of realizations throbbing
what’s served sweet
the nectar calm of acceptance
in the weave of the very matrix of life
everything is going to be alright

causality is the fabric
for a Sibyl’s blind hands
I read and interpret
my gift of adjustment
to what’s most imperfect
how do I compare your beauty
into meanings and leanings that I
know make you stir
a modern day brew
bewitching, hard to resist
to make you twitch
right where you want
to scratch the itch
a mistress of words
where it almost hurts
but it feels so good
to be understood
and touch into
the heart of the most
delicate yet broken matter
that you loved and lost
and for a moment
it all paused
and life quietly
yet unequivocally
moved on

yeah I can do you
any day of the week
to make you happy
catch your breath
is what makes me chase
the meanings fearlessly
sexy is my middle name
not afraid to play with others
this state of vulnerability means
to be courageously soft
and go against the grain
to break repeating old songs
the concentric molds
of outdated ruts
it’s time to renew again

who could have known you’d
make me so bold so subtly
direct I grow my strength
that I could fold into your
ephemeral tenderness
this ode of longing to the most
sermon-sounding thumping
Manifesto of freedom
you make me pontificate
at the end of the day
I can laugh myself open
and just be compassionate
in all things
the truth may not be
easy to stomach
or make me popular
but I aim to keep it real

if you aren’t good enough now
when will you ever be?