Disappointment is a gritty pause
between what you hoped for
and what you got
when you have to make do
with what you thought
you wanted
it’s the inevitable
letting go
to your lack of control
it’s hard to know for sure
what this flow is all about
this acceptance
that is not defeat
the losses neither fatal nor final
ideas are the walls
between feelings
when your will is only as free
as your sight is keen
is there a choice?
I know what it feels like
to be tired, to be stuck
right upfront I took the brunt
with a wound that won’t heal
born and locked with a cunt
they say it’s just my attitude
it’s all in my head
that really I’m free
with every punch I’ve choked down
so many unspoken words
countless times
concealed
with an iron façade
a ruthless mistress smiling
a girl playing villain
who carries the world’s weight
on 15-inch wide shoulders
I measured them
this fragile frame
only two hundred and six bones sustain
mountains inside
no escape
by your own design
so I go rock climbing
to find what there is
you wanted so much
you came to be
through your mother’s womb
kicking screaming
but ultimately you wanted
to breathe
so why stop at the conventionality
of the object’s seeming
my heart is a fighter
that’s stuck in between
beating and dying
in a rib cage ring
where anger and desire
throw down with mitts
boxing it out
in a match of passions
but the coach is reason
she calls time-outs
and the rounds tick off
everywhere you go
there goes your whole being
and everywhere I go
beauty is my inner compass
to the end of form