corporate geisha

I made myself real small
to learn to breathe with less air
curled myself into in a ball
like a fish out of water
I’m learning to suck
a little harder
in real time
and forgive the edge
its sharpness by accepting
to live with me peacefully

inadequacies are the foibles of being
like the savage quality
that comes with the full range
of the trade and art of change
made thru the exchange
inevitably reality exposes what’s left
when beginning becomes end
marketing dreams for pennies
with the big guns
in the name of what matters most to me

a little knowledge is a very dangerous thing
intending to do what you do
with partial understanding
and meaning it to the fullest
with the best intention
is the complex master that teaches
without stories about the reasons why
I invested so much in
the nature of my mistakes

I give love away because holding on
to it is toxic to freedom’s flow
any accumulation stagnates
beauty is the form that delivers insight
into who I choose to be
again and again
truth is self-evident only
if you know what you’re seeing

the key to sight is not
just the eyes’ working
functionality alone is incomplete
but focusing correctly
is how the picture comes into view
what matters to the few
in the stillness clarity reveals
what never changes
and breaks the stallions
of your cresting pride
the majestic rise of what inspires
also guts your sense of righteousness
to stand against
what has your name
on it

what I hate is what I most deeply
need to reconcile
in the elusive shifting groundlessness
that runs through the heart
of this very breath
thought itself is the buildup
of unmanaged expectations
body deficits I didn’t attend to
melting like pre-meditated resentments
like wax in the sun

I’m stretched thin spreading flimsy wings
can I fulfill my quest for success
when I’m scraped butter
spread over too much bread
lost in the crumbs
I want to take flight but thrash instead
where do you go
when there is no certainty
I take refuge in the ruthlessness
of this present instant
unbiased unflinching
all I got is now
and barely

this constant trying
to do my best
I slip and wake into
another mess of my judgments
always trying to reach for something
takes me away from what is mine
by birthright
I can’t take the road with me
wherever I’m headed
I can only find the safe direction
traveling miles of spanning beneath

all the blood and love grieved
stabbed and betrayed
the suffering of all that’s past
compounding into this me
who is it who speaks
with these lips
these hands that reach
like a child into the fire
because flames are pretty
and sharks have teeth
they have made it clear to me
I’m not in the business
of playing dirty
or for keeps

learn to walk the lines
with a casual kind of cruelty
if getting ahead happens by stepping
on the heads and shoulders of those
beneath your feet
how you tread
is the difference in
how you just get by or thrive
depending on how you chose
because somewhere someone knew
with their own skin
stretched thin
like yours is now
what it took
and what it meant

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