For me
I need to get out and walk.

I brisk thru
the intensity of the feelings

I listen patiently to the angst, the need,
the search for pleasure
I feed it with sights
and caress the bubbling thoughts
that pop up in reaction
to being out and about
where the world is all connecting
and disconnecting
and I’m core to the center
of my innermost
Chaos

I calm myself by tuning in
and my favorite act of
focusing in on just one
concentration built in batches
relating to the nature of a thing
consciously and seeing my own
reflected in a mirror
I feel it that way
like being an antenna of everything
that composes me.

Within.

Without.

I ease into the discomfort
of routine
that has me screaming
to let me out
this glass prison
of sight
fixed with my own eyes
and I breathe in deeply
the dark smoke of smouldering thoughts
eating me up
chafing against the need
dissolving parts of my learning
I’ve misidentified as me
a self-believed self
yet I am me
and nobody else

when the want overwhelms the need
I’m an addict to the sway of feelings
the lulling convincing that creeps in
soft like waves, consuming like flames
piercing like rays, soothing like rain
the theater of self
draws back a red curtain
and I am sharper for the pain
it made me step up my game

when the want overwhelms
the need
achieved discipline is key
the same test every time
with a different face
or a different shape
the want snakes in the gut
choking the need
and the self holds the reins
pulling and tugging
steering the lead
and the degree of skill
you move ahead with
depends on your stillness
that unflinching courage
to stay present
with the moment and live it
richly to the fullest
because it isn’t until
you’ve swallowed a bite
that the signals
of the contents all make sense
that you truly integrate the taste
of what your mouth chewed
and tongued around
then something in you
made a decision
in a split second
the verdict is reached
loved it or rejected it
judged or missed
entire points of view are built
on all-important yet
incomplete insights
interpreted by a dream
that says it’s me