disappointment is a gritty pause
between what you hoped for
and what you got
when you have to make do
with what you thought
you wanted
it’s the inevitable letting go
to your lack of control
it’s hard to know for sure
what this flow is all about
this acceptance that is not defeat
the losses neither fatal nor final
ideas are the walls
between feelings
is there a choice
when will is only as free
as sight is keen

I know what it feels like
to be tired, to be stuck
right upfront I took the brunt
with a wound that won’t heal
born and locked with a cunt
they say it’s just my attitude
it’s all in my head
that really I’m free but
I’ve choked down
so many unspoken words
countless times
concealed with an iron façade
a ruthless mistress smiling
a girl playing villainess
who carries the world’s weight
on 15 inch wide shoulders
I measured them
this fragile frame
drags around mountains inside
only two hundred and six bones

no escape
by your own design
so I go rock climbing
to find what there is

you wanted
so much
you came to be
through your mother’s womb
kicking screaming but ultimately
you wanted to breathe
so why stop
at the conventionality
of the object’s seeming

my heart is a fighter
that’s stuck in between
beating and dying
in a ribcage boxing ring
anger and desire throw down
in a match of passions
but the coach of reason
calls time outs
and the rounds tick off

one thing I learned
everywhere you go
there goes your whole being
and everywhere I go
beauty is my inner compass
to the end of form