, , , , , , , , ,

he is the fire that reignites
me back to life every time I die
he is the sacrifice that breaks me in
every time I rise
when I pick up in flight
soaring without lines
I can’t define
what it really is
I can only describe
what it’s like
there he is behind my eyes
humbling my pride
exposing my insight
softening my spikes
my unfocused crystallizes
in his mantle of protective night
to my projective arrow of light
the Chymical unites to complete inside
binding understanding to sight
our numbers are prime
we don’t multiply or divide
but repeat successively
adding up concentrically
we don’t align entirely
different but the same
complementary the way
the current and the wave
can’t compete yet meet
at the mouth of river and sea
blending streams

forgiving but not compromising
is strength grown only
in the depths of unrest
and he is my Achilles
constant test against
the integrity of my dreams
that threatens to breach
every time I resolve to succeed
but I fight it like I love him
clenched fists and broken teeth
gritting when I can barely breathe
till the muscled discipline
is burned lean and my freedom
is a bone of contention
picked clean when I See
him bow to his queen
ignorant of me
I leave before the twisting
of the knife is unbearable
undeniably shielding
the awkward vulnerable
invisibly barring all entry
my heart is hardened steel
from years of crushing
but I’m unsinkable
my trust is supple
built on living
in between the uncomfortable
and the unseen
it’s hard to grasp your destiny
prematurely yet easy
enough to sense how lonely
this path is following
instinct’s intuition
a mystery of timing
your seed bursts only
when the time comes
to transform into leaves
stemming to become
fulfillment unstrung
no heart on my sleeve today
alone is
my middle name
my namesake
his candle to my flame
the muse of my pain
my self-liberating
a game of losses gained
and lessons played to the beat
of strife stripping grief
from hurt my thin-skinned
naked and weak concealed
no place is safe
from the politic of change
evolving inevitably
a process of getting real
that’s surprisingly unreal
a nasty dirty deal
like stepping in shit
with your nicest heels
not anger exactly
not quite shock
oh come on man, what the fuck
you just have to clean up
after all is said and done
the long shot the home run
once it’s thought it’s begun
what you never dreamed
could possibly unravel
comes undone

but I’m not a vacation spot
he can just visit to go swimming
tourists don’t tread these
wild unbeaten trails
so i walk quietly
behind doors closed
refraining from revealing
the details of my restraint
and what’s meant to remain
veiled behind the flame
revolution begins to resonate
the sound of joy
when power is achieved
not by will trained
asserting force
but by relinquishing control
to the sublime
when release
transcends the alchemy
of suffering
distilling the bittersweet
into the nectar
of inner peace