I’ve been keeping scraps of paper
mental notes of lifelong dialogues
working out the daily knots
around the stone
lodged in my chest
creases of heartbreak
punctuate and line the year
starting with your first fighting screaming wailing cry
out the birth canal of change
even if it’s all in your head
loss kills you one breath at a time
always wanting what slipped you by
you didn’t even realize
that you buried the living
most of your life
as if prematurely missing those you love
before they’ve even left
your fear of death burns
into memory’s core
a feeling of unease, wanting something else
need something I don’t have
escape every moment’s edge
you try to avoid
whatever threatens
and you crave comfort’s embrace
all the while you fill the present
with echoes of what’s been
till change strips off your last defense
slipping past the barriers
you tried to fortify your whole life
so you’ve glimpsed the possibilities
because the easy parts
are never what they seemed
experience just gave you
a shining insight like a coin
you snatched up greedily
the hope blooming and soaring
on wings held on by glue
you got too close to the sun
and the part of you that crashed died
but “you” stayed everything was the same
I came away with a burn
peeling off the scabs of my misconceptions
wounds of ignorance
one breath at a time
my skin glistens with a tan
icarus ascending down
raw new soft that always lay
under the grit
the half-knowledge impostor
who for years dressed in insight’s clothes
obscured what always was
and I look at my small hands now
older, stronger
they are laced with the grace
of having
touching the edge