right when
you were wondering
how do I fill the blanks
of the waters parting
your trail of tears
in my stead the wake
of a boat sailing through
me and you
my back’s departing view
the doorway behind you
arched across our faces
the pain of leaving after
being a slave for years
to the many masters fired
one by one their promising
to fulfill notions
empty politicking and then
exposed to the trials of fear
all the concepts strip teased
the face of strength revealed
nothing special beneath
I couldn’t stay with the end
only the steady truth
lingering like my last friend
when every guest has left
the empty glasses
the put out cigarettes
the ashes of all our mistakes
and laughter vanished
needing rest when utterly tired
then I needed you
somewhere in between
my head and my legs
comforting me
more than friends
but once again
love and power blurred
before I dared accept
potentials opened
I wasn’t there
to pretend I could give
something I lacked
and it seems
I fall in love
just to walk away
every time
the sun shines
another rainy day
crops up behind
the plot twists
winding and curving
and I’m always walking
with the clouds
hovering over the picture
perfect ideals
of what it is
but this experience of want
feels untouched
yet remains crushed
raw and gritty
in disappointed emptiness
no more reaching
for what is not meant to be
holding on for what
struggling to feel beyond
the frost of my discipline
iced fingers and numbed skin
a fight for the genuine
unforgotten battering
and my part in it
starting over is a process
of reviewing oneself
ruthlessly with infinite
that tears me to pieces
seeing how I need
what I don’t want
the bitter medicine
simply defined
solitude like a hundred years
remembering and slipping again
only to be put back together
like humpty dumpty
all these words flowing
like the river
a daughter’s plea
to her father
anchor me root me please
I’m afraid of discovery
she runs like she has the devil
at her heels
but there is no one there
just ghosts and shadows
and all the essence
of what haunts her
a plague of mind
you want to reach out and soothe
but she is inaccessible
though her eyes are wide
and staring at your delicate
reshaping the discomfort
you feel
burning off the excess
but she gives nothing
yet is yours
just hints of what you are capable of
inspiring to reach for the stars
that you forgot you had
burned into your mental sky
mirrored archetypes
her language brings you in
like a lost guide
introducing the world within
finding the road
as it’s built
dreaming your life
into being
from the underworld
to the overview
guessing at what
you’ll find once again
just to let go
of what’s coming next