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it’s been years coming
even though you didn’t see it
that way
terrible things happen
and you change
inevitably
and often
without realizing
it stripped away
that business as usual
indifferent childish
centered on itself
the pain was so great
you became sensitive along the way
reshaped but unnoticed
then you do something surprising
even out of character
asking yourself where
did that come from?

like you knew the stones
that built your bones
upon the rising
from all the falling
the invisible scars
to the naked eye
they can’t see
the endless crushing
you sharpened to few words
spoken as if defending worlds
the innermost mystery
of your deepest truth
the most intimate view
of all those weary
moments you didn’t think
you could breath through
any longer
you could not take another moment
and yet you did
and more
now you’re smiling
because you’ve mastered
the understanding
lovely and ugly
are simply angles
from which you see
matters of lighting
coloring possibilities
the world is your oyster
to shape a pearl of worth
and the sky is open wide
for the first time
now that you noticed

she asked if i could love again
I shot back
who said I ever stopped?
I just avoid the men
who want to run game
remain close only to those
friends
who keep me focused
on the meanings
and can reflect with me
questions and answers
without too much fuss
my own flow is just on pause
in the recording of my soundtrack
heartbreak has a way
of flirting with hate
I feel cold when looking
at the face of all my mistakes
imperfect but complete
it’s a daily humbling
to know what’s real
and he has that sexy sway
that just lets me breathe
and laugh through the pain
if I let it grow
he could drive me crazy
so I stay sane
feet firmly planted
and watch the slow
motion fill of the space
in between my deep
and the curl of his shore
he’s so close
yet so far
and I was struck
when I got home
by the sudden presence
of mind that accompanied
and clung to my clothes
like his scent on my skin
of spice and cigars
lingering in my hair
I crawled into my open bed
and tucked myself in

I used to know
now I don’t
but I’m more found
than I ever was
and less lost
just adrift
navigating with purpose
without control or force
but never alone
let the wind take this
watching the rise
and saluting the falls
that I should be so lucky
to relax and live this life
so fully
is the privilege
of not letting
any of it
slip away meaningless

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