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the sudden need
for that branch to lean
against and falling
down into the empty

the ragged burn
that your gut churns
with cold fear turns
down your spine
what if you can’t
do this
what if I can’t
get through this next
round of needing
breathe again
one more second
I just need one more

gritty the teeth grinding
angst of helpless
weakness against
the call for relief
just make it better
it hurts so bad
any fix looks good
i’m suffering
and can’t stand
to look back
at the truth
I need something
to just get me through
another point of view
another you
anything will do

it’s the long tunnel
the light of the train
at the end
that came through
and wrecked the sense
of self cracked
eroded incomplete
wreaked havoc
on the confidence
was I ever
anything but
what I am now
who am I

the scalding
laps at me
in what felt sweet
to forget the grief
horrific effects
of years of tricks
always seeking desire
to relieve what reeks
of the ordinary
dull doldrums
of the same old me
toxic and filled
with the stench
of the need
that is never
fully satisfied

I gotta just bare down
and give birth
to this piece of worth
that wants to find itself
in someone else
detox the lies
of intimacy
and reveal
the whole
of what it means
to be free