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I’ve been meeting
the death of all my ideals
stripping meaning
with ends that always reveal
a freely speaking
bet you’d never deal
your hand holding
what let you almost conceal
a fate waiting
the deck’s cards like peels
slowly falling
off the dying tree
leaves blowing
seasons slipping into forgetting
like all the memories pulling
the pieces back to feel
lost freedom
better alone
than with crazy
you will never tell me
again who I can be
or not be
directly or indirectly
why did you ever
to start with?
with what right
could you speak
for my well-being
while you’re hurting
disease and fear
like pain are part of being
life’s suffering
is part of breathing
and loving and giving
there it is like living
means killing and depleting
till there’s nothing left
but a compounded bleeding
hope and fear breaking
your heart into a cycle
of needing
step out and clear
the insanity of pride
step forth and steer
away from the known
where you’ve never gone
I know you won’t
but here I go
watch me step off
the ledge without hope
with no need for control
with a smile and the peace
that comes with meaning
derived from direct knowing
that hard-earned courage
is built with failing
and rising again
to meet it openly