I’ve never shared your fast pronouncements
your rapid determinations on what makes
or breaks a person’s credibility
what makes them so much more the idiot
what sins make them less worthy
I can’t sit here and pretend
that I haven’t felt the same
as every criminal and scumbag you proclaim
you say I’m different, I’m not corrupt
how do you know what lies in my heart
only I – when I’m fearless enough to observe
can tell you yes, my heart is the same
am I wrong you ask me about your judgments
as if I should know intimately
another’s heart in how it creaks and bleeds
just like you know mine so damn well, right?
perhaps you are perhaps you aren’t
I don’t address the politics of morality
so you find my stance cowardly
I know the grief that choices leave you with
so who am I to qualify the workings
that drive anyone to find and realize
whatever delusion recipes of happiness they seek
I absolutely see the damage caused
I am not blind either but where is the
point of reference, where is the compass
and who am I to speak as if I had some insight
with this near-failed life many times over
looking for love found me resentments
and expectations broken for something more
who am I to judge another’s stronger will
to follow a dream they truly believe in
I lost mine several times over to the tides
and the wipeouts on the rocks of hardcore
reality
now at least I believe in nothing
it gets me nowhere
at least with these shattered shards of me
I can see plainly that there is no right or wrong
no pronouncement so profound to lend me
the righteous sense of being better than the next
if you want to find out who you truly are
don’t tell me
show yourself
go and get crushed
and then come back to me
with the truth
written in your eyes
and not the one spoken
to protect yourself
some more
fear based defenses
you are that douchebag you hate so much
yeah exactly, you
you who think so hard and heavy
about being good or right
self-cherishing agendas of vested interests
admitting weakness isn’t easy for anyone
unless you’ve learned to use it as your position
in life I’m not a victim
nor am I a victor
I’m just some chick who will be forgotten
before this poem’s even ended
with a special gift for language
to put into form the hateful things
that don’t swallow well
unpleasant like that smell that wafted in
from the trash can in the kitchen
what the hell is that stank
that’s all you baby doll
in your glory and nasty
insignificant down to the last
there is nowhere else to go
but to sit at the edge of the blast
when you let go of what keeps you believing
there is only the fall into the deep
dark rabbit hole
there’s no bottom yet
and I don’t know if once a criminal
always a loser because reform
is as real as turning on the light
in a pitch black room
once you see you can’t close your eyes
and make the knowledge disappear
one trick about being human
it’s almost impossible to move backwards
once you know, you can’t un-know
and I’ve known on my skin how delicate
the balance between ignorance
and learning is
just a switch like that light
instantaneous dawning realization
happens in a split second
then what
don’t ask me again what I think
I try as hard as I can
to not
because this raw is the key
to how I see

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