I’ve learned that what’s rational
does not always at first resonate
emotionally yet
it runs deeper than the shallows
of intellect’s current by comparison
from a distance they appear
crystalline so near the edge
you mistake their comfort for mirage
security is really death in a box
what grows still dies
don’t offer me gold
I don’t care for the usual
suspect goals everyone says
they have
illusions are like assholes
everyone’s got one that
guides their every move through
the scary dark we call being alive
thinking will hold you
in my experience
but not as much
as breathing carries you through
see it’s not that I’m right
and that you’re all wrong
it’s actually not any of that
the confusion is basic
misunderstanding imputing solidity
on what’s only a dream
this reaction you’re experiencing
is believing in a self that is different
from the rest
just because you woke up
comes the cold bucket of shock
it doesn’t mean the world changed
like there was nothing that came
before the moment
of your pain
unique to your shape
yet shared by all
that hopes and fears
it’s the becoming
that is tempered in raw
tenderness being open
holding yourself with trust
is slaking off the the skin
of self-importance
brilliant like the sun light
burns away the conditions
that strain the mind in a bind
of survival it’s an ugly
play with reality a game of
disbelief and rediscovery of
sanity where life’s strength is
seen like a superpower for
internal revolution
the epiphany is the change
relative at best the world
just went past us another
moment lost without
your arms around me
I don’t think I was ready
for the fall of every wall
in what I thought
was a retired defense
arrogant me
so the challenge remains
how to continue to live
harmoniously with myself
for all these awful
imperfect things I believe I am
always seeking to please
or I wish to avoid what feels bad
today all these tender
broken little pieces of sadness
like littered glass strewn on
my mental floor
a scene from a b-grade movie
is my wealth
of being as I’ve seen the turning
point of no return
all that’s left is the crying
yet I have the fullest
capacity to carry through
with a smile and a super
duper short memory for the
faults of others
stay awake while driving
I never even saw it coming
when I just react
to what I think of you
I wrote myself this long letter once
with your name telling you all the
things I opinioned on and on
like frothing at the chatter
a habitual pattern to relax
without pausing or thinking
I talk to myself in my head
about what could be, or should be
so many opinions to hold onto
I feel like I’m carrying stones
for thoughts I just want you
I learned the hard way that
profound change opens a gap
like a break in the waves
a space in between where
for a fresh minute I can breathe
one moment closes
another one opens
like the revolving door of
now is free
who do we want to be
right with everything that we
already are
you and me our lives entwined
making love
in the flesh or the mind
it doesn’t matter
this is the only time
to make peace with what’s bad
and reconcile again the walls
torn down to rebuild anew
what are you saying then
what does that mean
what am I saying indeed
question everything