Just as I’ve named it I’ve passed it
like a highway I find it curious how much I want to cling
to a road that stretches miles ahead and behind
as far as I can see and time keeps ticking
beneath me I see the seconds slip away
ethereal and impersonal
and still there I am finding comfort in this or that
distraction
but the road remains pavement,
and hurts like hell every time
I fall careless face greets tar
I’ve spit teeth out only to realize
hey, it’s nothing personal pain is pain
it is the condition sticker tag price
that comes with this package gift-o’life
with full rich bittersweet cycles
birth to death
to the birth of something new
again
that came from the old
and is under the control
of your recognition
which is dictated by how relaxed
you are in your skin
rebirth i realized there is nothing unique
about my experience of pain
just has a name, a face this or that day
PTSD, trauma, addiction, take your pick
who doesn’t face it
I started looking around in the Himalayas
when I was a kid
and a huge burden lifted in me
and the suffering that always accompanied the pain
was not mine to manage
anymore than I could own the road I traveled
I had a time to live and a time to die
and I had a choice which I would want first.

with the clarification most of the suffering that hung to me fell away
with a breeze of truth and I noticed it was
the anger embedded in the nerve of a rotting tooth
and the bad smell that you catch
you wonder if anyone else can smell it
the acrid putrid curls your nose for a sour second
it was like suddenly seeing what clung to me was junk
I didn’t need
instead of putting away the whole incident
I stood there like you and looked at it.
that nauseous desperation-tinged flavor
at the edges of my tongue and throat
that comes from the feeling that I’m the only one
who knows this horrid scent of putrid death
of disconnection, disaffection
and then gently I remind myself
everything that has a breath has a death
and that little part of me that recoils from the horror of this
is the child in me that fears the vast openness
of emptiness looking me back in the eye
an ocean beautiful and wild and so big
I cannot make it alone
it’s so much bigger than any ONE mind

the knot of uncertain is the bit of grit
the oyster makes a pearl of
in the same way I’ve given names and faces
to my demons and called them friends and enemies
but that is based in a reality of preference
the soft comforting nacre of ignorance
beautifully obstructing
but the bit of dirt is still there
till I see its name
then it loses its mystique
and as I’ve seen it
it’s gone past me
so I’ve come to tell you my story
of the journey I travel like you
I’m just trying to have a “light footprint”
on a world I tread in carefully
not to break the dreams of others
to not be careless and break hearts
travel but don’t destroy the ground
all other living things
move along on
we’ve never been “here to stay”
pick up your courage, girl
here we go again

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