i wanted the finalized
of the prolonged death in change
to cease to vanish
and only have the joyous side
of life
turned inside out
only to realize
the outside is in
the in is the outside
like a form
and the shape it took
when it filled up
in the openness of space
a sketch
a beautiful expression
of a wonderland girl
spinning herself in circles
till she falls down
dizzy and laughing
at the silliness of
a moment’s touch
and to know only after
she’s grown
as if to prove a point
and thumb its nose
the instant the moment is realized
and defined it’s fading already
slipping away from
your present awareness
evaporating into a cloud
you call memory
but it’s just condensed
then-ness without the juice of now-ness
the essence is gone
and you either drank it
or you spilled it
from  your precious mind
to fill your cup
you must first empty
the piece of mind
that fills up
the moment’s essence
now the imagery of a memory
is your imagination
and invention of your thoughts
telling you what reality is
so you imagine a whole new self-past
one tiny story change at a time
craft your representation of self
and imagine the finished product of
a future perfection into this present
the juxtaposition of potential and actualized
gives you the inspiration
for what you could realize
like trying on a necklace you can’t afford
you sigh and motivate yourself to do what it takes
to realize your wish of having such a pretty
piece of reality.