I swallowed passion with a pill
They said would make me steady
So I could go on and become whole
I forgot what hurt and why
The more I feel steady
The more I die
The world’s the same
I remember what changed
I traded away my insight
For the comforts of a good life
I pop the pill and again I forget
The closer I draw to “normal”
The further out to sea I drift
Afloat and going nowhere
I feel the light going out
Down past the lies
My spirit’s worn
Like my skin
Stretched and misshapen
As I carry a stone baby inside
That will never see the light
My belly is full with lines torn through
I’ve let you go where I once held on tight
I don’t know what feels right
I am a dam of broken pieces
Holding back a sewer line
That runs from my mouth to my eyes
My lips are black from words unsaid
My breath is rank with lies I stomach
Thoughts scattered in post-apocalyptic debris
Fragmented scenes come back to me
Don’t think about it, it’s in the past, they say
But when I look at myself
The stranger that looks back at me
Has a vague air of guilt
For crimes almost committed
The truths I omitted
And convinced myself
It was easier this way
It wouldn’t make a difference to say
That I didn’t kill
That I didn’t steal
That I didn’t feel
I flushed it all down
And banality is a game I play everyday
My divided joys remain the same
Punctuated by the insane
I knew I didn’t fit well together
But I liked the romantic weather
That comes before a storm
That put it all into words
The flow of passions

Pouring in a river
And made you weep
Then I felt vindicated
In a stoic condemnation
A resolute exposure of the truth
Now I’ve lost those words too
As I catch myself freeze-framed
My life unrest captured in full review

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