I wish I could explain to myself
How complicated us or the lack of us is
Some days are a balm to my spirit
Others I break inside and hide from it
The sins I accuse myself of you’ve committed
I can’t box us into a specific place
Purge you into a comfortable space
There’s time of not now, long past this fit in
Makes me feel like I’m splitting
While I tell myself this friendship is winning
I run myself in circles needing and despising
This tie, this complexity that keeps me binding
Thought and reason to emotional freedom
Your flaws make a spotlight on the stage
For the incompleteness without my rage
A piece of the puzzle missing
In my desire for identity
Defined on a neatly written page
It crucifies me, loss nailed through my palms
My will to survive is redefined every time
You smile you let me feel power inside
I romanticize and fantasize how you never need to know
This hold that’s been placed on my soul
357 dreams later something of old
Lost in a maze of past and connection echoes on
At the end of the day you’re just a guy
You wake up alone, sweat soaked sheets in a bed of fright
From another terror that gripped you all night
You wish a bosom could be there to hold you tight
When I’m away I just want to never come back
I’m overwhelmed with the horrific need to hide
You could devour me and I would let you despite
A thousand alarms screeching to choose flight or fight
I would if that meant you would sleep calm tonight
Then I know these are echoes of old and I just can’t let them win
And I wish I could explain how complicated US is