rock climbing

disappointment is a gritty pause
between what you hoped for
and what you got
when you have to make do
with what you thought you wanted
it’s the inevitable letting go
to the lack of control
it’s when the white flag looks noblest
and yet more than ever it just feels
like throwing in the towel
than any peaceful surrender

it’s hard to know what this flow is about
this acceptance that is not defeat
the losses neither fatal nor final
ideas are the walls
between feelings
is there a choice
when will is only as free
as sight is keen

I know what it feels like
to be tired, to be stuck
right upfront I took the brunt
like a wound that won’t heal
born and locked with a cunt
they say it’s just my attitude
it’s all in my head
that really I’m free but
I’ve choked down
so many unspoken words
countless times
concealed with an iron façade
a ruthless mistress smiling
a girl playing villainess
who carries the world
on 15 inch wide shoulders
I measured them
this fragile frame drags around mountains inside
only two hundred and six bones
so I go rock climbing
to find what there is

no escape
by your own design

you wanted
so much
you came to be
through your mother’s womb
kicking screaming but ultimately
you wanted to breathe
so why stop
at the conventionality
of the object’s seeming

one thing I learned
everywhere you go
there goes your whole being
and everywhere I go
beauty is my inner compass
to the end of form

my heart is a fighter
that’s stuck in between
beating and dying
in its ribcage boxing ring
anger and desire throw down
in a match of passions
but the coach of reason
calls time outs
and the rounds tick off
its the breath that roots in grief
the deepest discipline
is to not get caught
in the politicking of meanings
what this label and that name are supposed to do
what it meant to know you
and all that it stripped away
poetry is the grief unconcealed
raw and exposed
a sprinkle of dictionary and a karmic bond
true minds that are alike
hearts that burn like one flame are rare
we listen to the same beat
in imaginative words
like a song, you run through me
rhyming in it all along
the rest is just the intimate space
inside the distance between us

yeah I know you.

you don’t get to choose how the waves come in
you play the cards you’re dealt at the table
until winning or losing
are all the same game
until staying centered
is bread and butter discipline
everyday
to accept the rolling curve of the wave
without judgment I become the silence
of the mountain
the knots exposed by the strain
show me how
so close yet so far away
I let the stillness that permeates
dance me to the nature
of innermost ethos
the poem of living where I shelter in
ubiquitously whole refuge

the ocean is power
who are we but riders
on this great sea of being
the shell of the crab is hardened by impact
but his heart is timid jelly wanting only to be safe
the mother of all beings manifests confidently
to show enlightened activity
through the inner physician
transforming the daily poisons
into extraordinary medicine

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